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Maybe it's me..
I've had this feeling for a while and I've been struggling to categorize exactly what it was. Finally after long bouts of soul searching and drinking really cheap vodka that comes in bottleswhere the word "vodka" is actually misspelled, I've been able determine what it is.
I'm just not impressed.
The quality and concept behind some of the most "impressive" and "popular" games out there have left me feeling a bit out of the loop as of late, and at first I thought that maybe it was just me. That *I* was losing my gaming mojo.
I mean let's face it; I don't like or "get" 99% of the "most popular" games out there, and try as I do to play them and enjoy them, they leave me feeling bored, or at the very best blas about the experience. Like a rerun of an old favorite series that you know you've seen but don't remember. Everything seems familiar and you "knew" what to expect, yet the actual memory of your first time watching it was missing.
Of course, it could be that I'm just getting old too. But still for sake of argument, and the fact that I don't want to even begin comprehending "old wrinkly balls" - so lets look at some of the more popular games out there and why I just can't get excited anymore...
....without the help of special medication and little blue pills.
Gears of War - Game of the year. A much anticipated sequel. Impossibly muscled action figures that make me weep for my girlish arms and ability to scratch my own back without strangling myself with my manly biceps.
This game is more popular than the first girl in the sixth grade to get boobs.
And I simply cannot get into it.
The running, the ducking, the sliding behind cover, it all just feels complicated and forced. Like the game itself wants to do more than you comfortably can with a controller. It tries to fit so much into one tiny space that it ends up cluttered and confining like any second your uber tough space marine alien fighter guy is going to step on a Lego and hop around like a wounded rhino.
The tough space marine who doesn't take orders and does things his own way without regard to society or authority, but secretly has a heart of gold and always does the right thing.
How original. Pair him with a spirited dog or precocious lil' kid and you've got a Disney movie.
The characters are two dimensional and over used. Fighting aliens always sucks because I can't stand huckin' glowing balls of plasma at some giant scorpion looking thing with a mostly human head. Nothing sucks me in, nothing appeals to me and as much as this game is recommended and hyped?
I just can't frigging play it, and to steal from Darammer who has been shamelessly stealing from David Spade and getting this bit lodged in my head?
"Fighting monsters with things popping out at you in a game that's really hyped? I liked it better the first time when it was called DOOM 3."
Burnout and newer "Racing" games - Don't get me wrong, I LOVE racing games. In fact I think that the "Flat Out" series is one of the best car games available and play it every chance that I get with the boys at GamePlayersAnonymous.
And by play it I mean I drive around the track the wrong way and take out RoadRunner in a bone crunching head on collision so that other people have a chance to win for once because Ol'Jedi Beard practices daily and nightly just to make us all look bad.
But I digress.
It has everything I love in a racing game, (namely violence and destruction) amazing graphics and it is fun to play. I know, I know - the Burnout series has a TON of violence and crashes and there is even a "crash mode" for epic sized pile ups!
It isn't the same.
The new trend in racing games is to be uber real without being realistic. The hottest cars ripped right from a freeze framed copy of the latest Fast and The Furious spin off. Blinding speed as the scenery blurs by in a smear of lights and turns that you were supposed to make. Cars take huge amounts of damage before resetting themselves and looking brand new...
...and none of it is playable. The blurring scenery is too much for my colorblind eyes and gives me nothing to focus on. I can't tell guard rail from "crashable" fence until my driver is impaled through the asscrack with a handicapped sign. Cars take damage but the effects are cosmetic and temporary, unlike the Flat-out Series where if you lose a tire, your car handles like a hyperactive kid with epilepsy.
I LIKE t-boning someone, having them drive off and passing them only to see that they are missing a door, their tires are wobbling on bent axles and there isn't a window left unshattered as black smoke and fire pour from the engine.
It gives me a sense of accomplishment.
Newer car games focus on the speed and not on the game, and as much as they are popular I'd rather wrap my REAL car around a tree then play them.
The Witcher (Yes, I tried it on your many recommendations.) - Longest starting "cut scene" ever. I'm not lying, it was like 10 minutes long, and while it was cool to watch that nagging "Haven't I seen this?" feeling just wouldn't go away.
The main character has amnesia (*GROAN*) and really long white anime hair which instantly made me want to not be happy honorable shamed satisfied most honorably, but I stuck with it because it came recommended by so many. He's the gruff and tough yet noble warrior with no memory who's just trying to track down his past and maybe, just maybe...
...atone for it.
The game play itself isn't bad. Interesting and non-standard combat system. Customizable items and recipes and an inventory of what you can carry in a realistic sense. It reminded me heavily of Oblivion with a touch of Dungeon Siege thrown in.
But it isn't great or ground breaking and it doesn't suck me in for hours at a time to the point where my wife is upset that I just spent 13 hours playing a game and didn't realize it. I miss that feeling.
Of course, on the upside?
Sex, nudity, real vulgar swearing and colorful language usage, bar fights, prostitution and naughty cut scenes ripe with grunting and nipples.
So..ya know. Still playing it for now, and the jury is still deciding it's fate. But I do know this - it isn't going to be a favorite or even a contender for the favorite's list. Like I said, maybe it is me. I'm changing, maturing (ha) and want more out of a game.
Or maybe they've just been sucking.
-Coyote
Article Source: www.tentonhammer.com.
I'm just not impressed.
The quality and concept behind some of the most "impressive" and "popular" games out there have left me feeling a bit out of the loop as of late, and at first I thought that maybe it was just me. That *I* was losing my gaming mojo.
I mean let's face it; I don't like or "get" 99% of the "most popular" games out there, and try as I do to play them and enjoy them, they leave me feeling bored, or at the very best blas about the experience. Like a rerun of an old favorite series that you know you've seen but don't remember. Everything seems familiar and you "knew" what to expect, yet the actual memory of your first time watching it was missing.
Of course, it could be that I'm just getting old too. But still for sake of argument, and the fact that I don't want to even begin comprehending "old wrinkly balls" - so lets look at some of the more popular games out there and why I just can't get excited anymore...
....without the help of special medication and little blue pills.
Gears of War - Game of the year. A much anticipated sequel. Impossibly muscled action figures that make me weep for my girlish arms and ability to scratch my own back without strangling myself with my manly biceps.
This game is more popular than the first girl in the sixth grade to get boobs.
And I simply cannot get into it.
The running, the ducking, the sliding behind cover, it all just feels complicated and forced. Like the game itself wants to do more than you comfortably can with a controller. It tries to fit so much into one tiny space that it ends up cluttered and confining like any second your uber tough space marine alien fighter guy is going to step on a Lego and hop around like a wounded rhino.
The tough space marine who doesn't take orders and does things his own way without regard to society or authority, but secretly has a heart of gold and always does the right thing.
How original. Pair him with a spirited dog or precocious lil' kid and you've got a Disney movie.
The characters are two dimensional and over used. Fighting aliens always sucks because I can't stand huckin' glowing balls of plasma at some giant scorpion looking thing with a mostly human head. Nothing sucks me in, nothing appeals to me and as much as this game is recommended and hyped?
I just can't frigging play it, and to steal from Darammer who has been shamelessly stealing from David Spade and getting this bit lodged in my head?
"Fighting monsters with things popping out at you in a game that's really hyped? I liked it better the first time when it was called DOOM 3."
Burnout and newer "Racing" games - Don't get me wrong, I LOVE racing games. In fact I think that the "Flat Out" series is one of the best car games available and play it every chance that I get with the boys at GamePlayersAnonymous.
And by play it I mean I drive around the track the wrong way and take out RoadRunner in a bone crunching head on collision so that other people have a chance to win for once because Ol'Jedi Beard practices daily and nightly just to make us all look bad.
But I digress.
It has everything I love in a racing game, (namely violence and destruction) amazing graphics and it is fun to play. I know, I know - the Burnout series has a TON of violence and crashes and there is even a "crash mode" for epic sized pile ups!
It isn't the same.
The new trend in racing games is to be uber real without being realistic. The hottest cars ripped right from a freeze framed copy of the latest Fast and The Furious spin off. Blinding speed as the scenery blurs by in a smear of lights and turns that you were supposed to make. Cars take huge amounts of damage before resetting themselves and looking brand new...
...and none of it is playable. The blurring scenery is too much for my colorblind eyes and gives me nothing to focus on. I can't tell guard rail from "crashable" fence until my driver is impaled through the asscrack with a handicapped sign. Cars take damage but the effects are cosmetic and temporary, unlike the Flat-out Series where if you lose a tire, your car handles like a hyperactive kid with epilepsy.
I LIKE t-boning someone, having them drive off and passing them only to see that they are missing a door, their tires are wobbling on bent axles and there isn't a window left unshattered as black smoke and fire pour from the engine.
It gives me a sense of accomplishment.
Newer car games focus on the speed and not on the game, and as much as they are popular I'd rather wrap my REAL car around a tree then play them.
The Witcher (Yes, I tried it on your many recommendations.) - Longest starting "cut scene" ever. I'm not lying, it was like 10 minutes long, and while it was cool to watch that nagging "Haven't I seen this?" feeling just wouldn't go away.
The main character has amnesia (*GROAN*) and really long white anime hair which instantly made me want to not be happy honorable shamed satisfied most honorably, but I stuck with it because it came recommended by so many. He's the gruff and tough yet noble warrior with no memory who's just trying to track down his past and maybe, just maybe...
...atone for it.
The game play itself isn't bad. Interesting and non-standard combat system. Customizable items and recipes and an inventory of what you can carry in a realistic sense. It reminded me heavily of Oblivion with a touch of Dungeon Siege thrown in.
But it isn't great or ground breaking and it doesn't suck me in for hours at a time to the point where my wife is upset that I just spent 13 hours playing a game and didn't realize it. I miss that feeling.
Of course, on the upside?
Sex, nudity, real vulgar swearing and colorful language usage, bar fights, prostitution and naughty cut scenes ripe with grunting and nipples.
So..ya know. Still playing it for now, and the jury is still deciding it's fate. But I do know this - it isn't going to be a favorite or even a contender for the favorite's list. Like I said, maybe it is me. I'm changing, maturing (ha) and want more out of a game.
Or maybe they've just been sucking.
-Coyote
Article Source: www.tentonhammer.com.